You are Enough

I think in establishing a sense of Self Loving Foundation there are a variety of exercises, routines, physical activities and consistent affirmations needed. It actually requires so much maintenance that sometimes I feel I lack the drive to do it. As a mommy of three boys my routine gets so caught up in - “Is it lunch time?" “Who needs a diaper change?” “Why are they crying now?” - that I feel saying a daily affirmation can seem so tedious. So as a mommy of three I hope to inspire you in some of my daily practices to maintaining a self-love routine.

Why?

I’m in a period in my life where I question why I’m here now.. How did I become a single mommy of three boys? How did it go from wanting to heal the world to having changed my life suddenly to get what I want? I believe it’s all about Worth. Prior to being married I was your average mid-twenties ‘let’s go with the flow’ type of girl. If I wasn’t out with friends at a club, bar, concert I was out adventuring somewhere. I was your crazy girl. I am the first to admit that I was out of control and consciously not regretful. My intentions were always to escape. I loved life too much to feel the sadness of reality. I was also very broken. I had established a healthy routine of blocking out pain with alcohol and men. I don’t think I even understood what Worth and Value meant.

So instead of taking the time to heal the broken parts of me I indulged in escapism. I embraced any broken individual into my life for a sense of relief that I was not the only person out there hurting. It’s sad now looking back and not sharing with the world who Rubi Rios was capable of being. Because the Rubi Rios now has so much love to offer, so much inspiration to share, so much kindness and generosity to fulfill a relationship.

Forward seven years and I embraced Change. I began my spiritual journey to transform this little broken girl into a worthy woman. This is when I discovered that through my reiki healing, meditation, yoga, hiking and enjoying mother earth allowed me to wake up. I woke up and realized that this form of escapism that I was utilizing could still be applied into my daily life now but moderately and with a different perspective. (How I healed calls for a different blog and another day. But I promise I will help you in that.)

So, a divorce and a past-life relationship later I can confidently admit that I am Worthy of so much in this world. No man that has ever presented themselves up until this point has proven to me that they are worthy of standing next to me. If this sounds overly-confident I suggest this is your sign of working a little bit more on yourself to be able to repeat those words. It takes so much work to be able to feel worth, see your worth and maintain a sense of control to keep receiving your worth.

You don’t have to apply ‘worth’ to only your relationships but friendships, careers, passions, family situations and finances as well. I feel like for the past three years my Spirit Guides have been secretly testing me on this subject. I feel like they helped me practice so much self love and then threw me in this field and said, “Let’s see if she can apply all these tools to these people, these situations.”

So what did I discover in this test?

I took off all the blinders. I had realized that there were several friends who I had been putting in more than enough effort for the past 10 years or so who had never really reciprocated the amount of effort I had given them. I realized they gave me more gossip, stress, unresolved issues and judgement above all else. I was able to see that I was worthy of having healthy friendships. The type of friends that call you to give you inspiration, motivation, uplifting messages and who truly push you to be the best version of yourself.

So here’s how you can do it:

Inventory of Friends Checklist:

On a piece of paper make two columns:

Column 1: Friends

Column 2: Emotions

Write their name in Column 1. In Column 2 I want you to write down what sort of emotions does that person bring to you? (Do you feel happy? sad? stressed? anxiety? complicated? not enough? fake? )

When you have completed this entire list. I want you to process how it made you feel after. If you saw negative emotions this does not mean you completely disregard them and send them a text of ‘hey we can’t be friends” Instead, you start to distance yourself. You then start to withhold every piece of information from them as you do not need their judgements or unnecessary comments. And for the friends that bring you positive emotions you start to embrace those friendships. You then start to make more effort by calling/texting/sending them gratitude gifts. Most importantly tell them how special they are to you in your life. You will notice that there may be more friction, tension, arguments or disagreements with those friends that brought you negative emotions. You will then have to consciously make a decision to keep them or eliminate them from your life. Remember that this process needs time, healing, forgiveness and compassion so that you do not cause unnecessary karmic cycles.

When it comes to romantic relationships I felt this was always quite difficult for me. I do feel that I have always fallen in love with ‘potentials’. My heart is so big that I feel when I meet somebody I can instantly see what they’re capable of becoming. I don’t know if this is the intuitive reader in me or if it’s just a trait I will always carry. I always give individuals hope, desire, fantasy and adventure. It’s in my nature. I think that the men that cross my path get so caught up in it and it feels pleasurable at the time that when reality kicks in they realize they cannot fulfill what is needed to be next to me. I don’t believe in expectations but I do believe in living the best version of yourself.

In my eyes, seeing that they can do so much, have so much potential it starts this naive ‘blinder’ that I don’t quite mess with it until my intuition says '“something is off Rubi”. I’ve learned from the heartaches, disappointments and misunderstandings that in all reality I know what I stand for. I know what my life purpose is. I know what I’m capable of achieving and if somebody can’t see that for themselves then they are not at my level. Could they possibly get there? Yes. But the ‘will they’ is never guaranteed. I absolutely do not have the time to sit there and wait. I am loving, patient and kind but if there is something I am lacking whether it be financially or personally I find solutions. If you are with somebody who doesn’t want to find a solution or won’t take the necessary steps to find the solution then you are enabling their excuses. I was with somebody who lived his life pointing fingers at others and never taking responsibility for himself. He had opinions and solutions for everyone else but would rarely sit down to think of his own solutions. In my eyes, that is somebody who does not understand what worth is. Do you realize the karmic setbacks you put yourself in when you don’t take fault for your actions? The consequences are endless. I don’t care how much I truly admire and love an individual but my worth says: Find somebody who can give you the total package because you will be held back over and over again and all of that hard-work you’re doing on your end will be an absolute waste of time.

This is where you do a pros/cons list:

In a relationship:

Column 1: Write down traits that you absolutely love from your partner

Column 2: Write down traits that you do not like from your partner

Column 3: Write down what you wish the relationship would FEEL like

Single / Dating Stage:

Column 1: Write down what you want your person to be like (look like? dress like? music they’re into?)

Column 2: What do you want the relationship to FEEL like?

This will help you see if you have blinders on, making excuses and most importantly being honest with yourself as to what you really want in a relationship.

Find a physical activity that you can be consistent to at least twice a week. Maintaining your attitude about your worth is hard. This is where consistency is key. I just recently started doing Pole Dancing Classes which, to me, are empowering. In that moment I feel sexy, desirable, happy with my body, passionate and loving. I have always enjoyed it and I am no expert but what I love most is that you don’t have to be an expert to do it. It is my moment and for nobody else. I think it’s so healthy for mommies to indulge in a little burlesque or pole dancing class to remind themselves why they became mommies in the first place ;)

Affirmations are so important! If you have a daily commute, as soon as you start your car start saying out loud positive affirmations about yourself and your day.

“I am hardworking.” “I will have a phenominal and productive day.” “I am passionate.” “I am successful.”

This helps establish the attitude and mood for your day. You can always go back to these affirmations if something happens in your day that upsets you or makes you feel doubtful. If you have kids as part of your morning routine (like myself) I strongly encourage you to do this daily so that they can then start to mimic and absorb this healthy routine. It may feel strange to them at first (as I’m sure it will for you too) but you are making them aware of their good qualities and you are building your confidence together. My children love it and they know why they love themselves!

Diet, now this is where things get exceptionally difficult. Kids, work, routines, unexpected situations makes having a healthy diet so hard. But I strongly recommend you find ways to cut out dairy, meats and replace with uplifting energetic foods. Don’t take things to an extreme level but find Balance. I am not your typical ‘healthy chic’ I will have some Diet Coke and Hot Cheetos every now and then (don’t judge!) but when I do I know to expect my body to be upset with me and I don’t allow my self-esteem to get the best of me.

So there you go, that’s how I get through my days. I am still your average ‘go-with-the-flow’ girl and still meet with friends at a local bar when my kids are spending time with their dad. The only difference now is that I am out experiencing these moments to be in the present, to embrace my friends, to enjoy life rather than trying to escape it. I hope that through my honesty you were able to get some inspiration and I hope that you can benefit from my tips as well.